We’ve gotten it backwards in our communities these days, we’ve placed the mission over the Presence and in doing so have committed ourselves to execution of our plans, programs and visions. I see publications, articles and forums regularly focusing on the modes and models of ministry, but few focused on the practice of His presence.

I was flipping through some old books from my university days, looking over the titles, when this feeling of sadness and frustration came over me. I spent so much of my time frustrated at the institutional church, so much of my energy raving against the machines of ministry that I lost focus on the desperate importance of the face of Jesus.

Of course this is the strategically deceptive plan of the enemy.

He wants us to focus on ministry goals, fundraisers, what others are doing right or wrong and the like. Satan would love nothing more than for the church to live in a place of frustration and disunity over our models, doctrines and dogma.

I’ve noticed a need in my life over the past few years to spend far less time focusing on my ministry efforts and more on the face of Jesus. In that time I’ve seen more ministry fruit, felt more fulfilled in my life and calling and fell more in love with Jesus than ever before. I’ve noticed my character and even demeanor change before my very eyes, everything about me in some way has changed because of a priority on the presence of the Lord.

Perhaps if we focused more of our efforts and energy on the face of Jesus, the Glory of His holy fire, we would have a world around us clamoring to know Jesus.

I had just finished talking to a friend of the family (and incredible counselor) about a situation involving a young man who was dealing with heavy Spiritual oppression. My instinct was to fight, to get angry and frustrated, I wanted a fight… I was looking for one.

In an instant, she had read me like a book.

I had come at this situation in the same “spirit” that was fighting to control this young man. The guy, we’ll call him “David”, had been through a terrible life; He had been abandoned, adopted into a family of drug-runners and witchcraft, military tours in Iraq, jail-time and more.  He knew how to fight, he had been doing it his entire life and here I was standing on my high-platform of religious superiority, looking down my learned nose trying to entice a fight to get him “free”.

I wasn’t broken for him. I didn’t want his freedom like I wanted my own. I had no chance at victory.

It wasn’t until later, when I got alone with the Lord, that everything became clear. I’m not the guy who comes into the fight waving my sword above my head like gladiator and enticing the enemy to come get me. I’m just not that guy. It comes across as inauthentic and carries no weight in the Spirit. I’m designed to be the guy who comes in low, filled with compassion for the person and appeals to love, joy and peace. I’m supposed to be the guy who talks you off the cliff, not the guy who fights you on the way. I’m supposed to come in the opposite Spirit.

I guess I always wanted to be a front-lines kind of guy, bad to the bone and all of that but honestly, I’m just not. Or maybe the army of the Kingdom is different than I imagine, maybe it’s not like our armies at all… maybe it is filled with singers and worshippers. Perhaps the army of God is filled with Holy Ghost drunkards who drag their sloppy, joy-filled selves to the front lines, so filled with the love of God that no demon can stand being near them. Perhaps the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.

I think it’s the whole opposite spirit thing. In the Kingdom, we are often called to come into this world in the opposite stance. We see disease ravaging a body and we pray for the opposite, healing. We see a young girl who has been used for her body and we tell her she’s beautiful all the way, we speak life. We see the demon possessed being destroyed and we love, hug, laugh and pray. We come another way.

My friend was right, I’m not good at fighting my way, but I am awesome at enjoying Him and that is all the warfare I need.

Love. Joy. Humility. Repeat.

Suggestions have come from advisors on why we should go one way or another, with the primary suggestion being to form as a Humanitarian Aid Org due to its versatility in ‘closed’ countries which won’t allow religious organizations to operate.

I appreciate the wisdom that we have been offered and I am confident that everyone has had our best in mind. Yet again and again, I hear the Spirit calling us to establish Retouch as a Religious organization. My reasons are fairly simple; first, We want to be able to share the awesome works of God without censoring and second, we are not interested in being the next “social justice initiative”.

The Awesome works of God:

I like the way Bill Johnson says it…

It’s too easy to reduce Jesus’ teaching to what is humanly possible. While we love to feed the poor, clothe the naked, and visit those in need (such acts of kindness are essential expressions of the Christian life), we refuse to let them satisfy that internal drive for effective service. He specifically used the term “good works” to describe the miracles, signs, and wonders He performed. Jesus modeled these works for us. He didn’t design a new hearing aid or train a Seeing Eye dog. He healed the deaf and the blind.

If we limit ourselves to being a Hum. Aid Org we also limit ourselves to be the testimony of Jesus in regard to the miraculous, church-planting and other “ministerial” functions. We are creating Retouch to be an expression of the Kingdom of God, all things included. Our desire to be able to share the full testimony with our friends and family, the only way to do this completely is through establishing a Religious Organization.

Social Justice Initiative:

Along the same lines as the ‘awesome works of God’, we are not interested in being the next Social Justice thing nor are we looking to be friendship evangelists. So many have quoted St. Francis “Preach the Gospel and when necessary use words” to promote a toothless and non-evangelistic Gospel. We want everyone to feel happy about getting food but we are fearful of giving them the bread of life through proclamation. Proclaiming the Gospel has never been popular and never will be, the sooner we get over that and couple it with total love, the better off we’ll be. It’s not that we’re against groups that are just building wells or just distributing food, but who is going to tell them about Jesus? Isn’t that always necessary? Either we believe He’s more than enough or we don’t.

We are working 80+ hours a week, planning a 4-month excursion into Africa and getting our american life together before we head out in a few short weeks.

Your prayers are greatly appreciated as we pray, plan and prepare (alliteration!) for the very near future.

A few things on the list:

• that our non-profit paperwork will go smoothly and recieve quick approval!
• For FAVOR in regards to finances and plane tickets.
• Clarity about our time in Mozambique
• Unity and Intimacy in our marriage

I was listening to an older worship album and they were saying that God was about to release a “new season” in the lives of the worshippers. The exhortation was that the veil was about to be pulled back and what had been held back was about to be unleashed on the Body of Christ.

In a lot of ways I love the language, I like the prospect of God pouring out things that are stored up in heaven and I think there is biblical premise for this (see Rev 8:4).

However, I felt God speak that the new season… the really crazy new season was already unleashed when Jesus died on the cross. Is there yet to revival poured out? Probably (and it’s probably waiting on some people to pray) but what about the continuous revival that we are supposed to live in?

I had a professor in college who was adamant that revival has a beginning and an ending. He would reference all of the ‘great’ revivals of the past 2000 years and point to their rising up and their fizzling out if you will. This prof believed that God brought Revival to us in “seasons” to reinvigorate the church or to do something really special for a while. We would be foolish and immature to believe that God had continuous Revival in mind.

Looking back, I can see where this man had formed a theology around his own experience and not the promises of God or our identity as Sons and Daughters. Forgive me, but I don’t see Sons and Daughters getting a day off from their identity. Now, they may have “seasons” where they aren’t living in awareness of their authority over sickness and the kingdom of the air but that isn’t a reflection of the heart of God as much as our own unbelief and fallen nature.

I’m excited about revivals to come. Seriously. Stoked about them.

But I want the revival of now. The season of identity, authority and power. It’s not something to come, it’s something that is. To believe anything less is to doubt the fullness of the cross and resurrection.

If you are waiting for a season of rain… step outside. It’s been raining for years.

That question cut me like a hot knife, could I? Am I capable of such a thing?

Am I able to keep secret things a secret? This has always been hard for me, I’m a talker and a connector. I want to share with you the deep things of my heart and my life, partly out of an effort to live honestly and partly out of a desire for you to accept and respect me.

It’s a battle I’ve been fighting for some time, learning to hold onto and treasure the secret things of God, the intimate places of friendship. I’ve always struggled with others accepting me and part of that has led, in the past, to a dishonest and boasting life. There is something freeing about living in honesty and intimacy that challenges our human nature.

A week ago, Jennifer and I were finally married in front of our family and friends. It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen (I’ll post more on this later!) and incredibly meaningful. One of the elements we included was a Chuppah (Hoo-pah) which is a Jewish wedding tradition and symbolism of our relationship under the Shekinah of God. There is a great chapter on the Chuppah in Rob Bell’s book Sex God, which I highly recommend you give a read.

The Chuppah is a place of intimacy and togetherness under which only those who stand under it experience. For our marriage, it’s just Jenn and I standing under the presence of God. It’s about keeping our convenant relationship pure before the Father and dedicated solely to Him and to each other, private things, pure things, intimate things find their place under the covering of God. In layman’s terms, no one else is invited into our bedroom, that is a place for us alone. It goes further to an understanding of holding Jenn’s heart in my hands with all of her dreams, insecurities, thoughts and desires.

For there to be real true intimacy, she has to trust that I will keep us in total confidence.

This is a picture of our relationship with Holy Spirit. There is trust between the two of us, trust that I can hold the secret things of God in my heart, trust that I can participate in the marriage of the Spirit without cheating or betraying our covenant relationship. Yea, there’s the lived out part of all of this, just like in my marriage… you will know that I’m married by how I act publicly but there will always be things that only Jenn and I will know.

This is the picture of  my marriage to Holy Spirit, fully there  and out in the open but also fully confident and intimate. I’m learning to cultivate the secret things of God and hold them dearer than my own acceptance.

This morning I had a very tantalizing blog topic that I wanted to talk through. It was the sort of thing I LOVE writing and tweeting about. As I got ready to write about it I felt a clear “no” from the Lord. I wrestled with the no for a bit, it was hard responding to the voice of God about a blogpost but the wisdom of Holy Spirit prevailed. So here I am writing about learning to be obedient to the voice of God rather than THAT.

Obedience is an interesting thing, I say ‘interesting’ because it causes you to think through the lordship and control of your life. Here we are as individuals with the full authority of heaven available to us and we are still directed/compelled/instructed by Other. It’s the age-old battle of wills, the human will to do what he/she pleases and the will of God to conform us to the image of His son.

Obedience is the reason many refuse to believe. To be obedient to God would be to deny yourself the prideful self-declared identity as a god on this earth, we have to admit when we obey, that someone else knows better than we do and that in fact, this someone else is actually in charge of the whole deal.

I have the sense that God  is looking for obedient people. A generation of people that will say “YES” to the voice and wind of the Spirit and delete the “no” within ourselves.

“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years” Deut 8:2

“Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.” Deut 5:15

On and on it goes. God calling His people to remember all the great things He has done for them. At one point He commands them to wear tassels on the edges of the clothes, another time He tells them to only eat unleavened bread and still another where He has them write on their doorposts. Why all the reminders to remember?

Because we are prone to forget.

It’s part of our human condition to forget the mighty acts of God, the wonderful things He has done and to focus here. We focus on what’s in front of us, this bill and that bill, this situation and that relationship. We see what’s in front of us and acknowledge only the ‘reality’ presented to us in the moment because we have forgotten.

We have forgotten the check in the mail that appeared at just the right time.

We have forgotten the encouraging word, the joy we needed during that time.

We have forgotten the healing so and so received years ago.

We have forgotten not only the acts of God but the promises of God for and to us.

My aussie friend, Scotty Wilson, was talking to me last night about trusting the promises of God. Imagine that you are going to lunch with your best friend, the person you trust above all others, and you set plans to meet for lunch at noon. The next day it’s 9 AM in the morning and you start calling your friend over and over and over again because you are terrified that they won’t be there for lunch at noon. You eventually call them so much that they get offended at your lack of trust, your “unbelief” in their ability to be and do what they promised you the day before. Not much of a friendship, huh?

God has given us promises. Covenants. Words of assurance and faithfulness.

And so often we are the friend calling over and over and over again. Afraid that the Father might not come through this time. Afraid that He somehow forgot about this thing or that thing.

We are terrified that He has forgotten about us.

I have a simple and compelling word for you today.

He has not forgotten you. In the same way that He calls you to remembrance, He remembers. Every prayer, every cry, every good day and bad day. He remembers. And He remembers his lovingkindness and mercies toward you, that are new and fresh every morning. He remembers the convenant sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, the gift of Life. He remembers His promise to not leave you as orphans but to send you Holy Spirit. He remembers the promises of provision, understanding, joy, love and abounding grace.

So I invite you to the table of divine remembrance. Today is no different from yesterday. The Father has it all figured out with abundance in mind toward you.

Feel free to use the comment space to share stories of remembrance.

Over the past year I have learned to love and really enjoy God’s presence. I think it began in my room in Egypt, I had a lot of time to pray, read and reflect on what God was speaking. I remember one day I was sitting on the balcony overlooking the smog and traffic of Cairo reading God’s Smuggler by Brother Andrew when I suddenly felt a wave of emotion and something almost force me to my knees. Kneeling there on the dirty balcony, crying out to God for the city of Cairo and the whole muslim world I realized that I was in a place of encounter.

The encounters would continue and even intensify in the coming weeks and months. There were nights that I felt God’s presence so strong I couldn’t move, I would just lay there laughing, crying and worshipping. Some nights I would feel this unreal euphoria that would just take over everything in my life and almost create the sensation of floating. I didn’t have much of a framework for this, except I knew God was washing away years and years of hurt, fear and bitterness.

It was in these precious moments, totally alone, that God began dismantling my walls. I found myself trusting Holy Spirit to take care of me, to teach me and to not leave me alone with my doubts and fears. I felt connected to the Father more than I ever had before.

In Pemba, these moments would obviously grow stronger and this time in a community of people going after the same things. Some of my friends were well-versed (as much as one can be) in the presence of God and others were just figuring out that God was in a good mood and liked to spend time with us. It was the perfect environment to practice the presence in community. It was a place of vulnerability, freedom and trust that we may not get it perfectly right, but we were sure as heck trying for Him above all else.

I guess I had spent so much time around communities that were so terrified of getting it wrong or “faking” something that they would just forget it all and avoid the whole experience of God altogether. It wasn’t safe to try it out, what if you get it wrong? You’d be labeled an emotionalist, charlatan, hypocrite or blasphemer. Back home we had forgotten that it’s all a big learning curve after all, we’re in relationship with the Spirit of God… it’s going to be a big change for us. We somehow forgot the deep uniqueness of our personal encounter, that sometimes it’s a laughing moment and other times it’s a weeping day.

I loved the safety and ability to experience. It was in this environment that I tasted freedom. Full on freedom. That’s good stuff right there. To be totally free from what everyone or anyone is thinking about me and to fully let myself go. All of my inhibitions faded away and the Chris that had been in hiding found himself out in the open, spiritually naked before others and ready for all the connection possible.

I loved the freedom, the freedom that is only available in the presence of God. I have decided to live this freedom out here, in a place that may not encourage it or even allow it. I’m not going to let the chains someone else is wearing to someone attach themselves to my feet. Most of the time people are just waiting to see you get free anyway. They need an example of a life without chains to follow around for a bit as they stretch out their legs from years of being confined to the cell of religiosity and hypocritical junk.

It’s going to be a journey for me, even deeper into the presence of God and further into my identity as a free son. Feel free to join me. It’ll be a lot more fun with friends along for the trip.

On a different note, if you’re interested in tasting of the divine presence I’d love to come have prayer with and for you. We’ll turn on some worship tunes and dive headfirst into God’s love. I’ll drive however far I have to, if it means you want some freedom.

love you guys. thanks for reading my rambling.

Jenn and I had a very exciting weekend with two of our best friends that we see far too little. As we dreamed, planned and prayed over a few days, vision began to unfold… big vision, the kind of stuff that invigorates you and scares you to death all in the same breath. As I was reflecting on our talks and prayers, I sensed God moving on me about the reward or the end-game, if you will, of all of “this”.

It’s easy to slip into a desire for recognition and popularity both for us personally and for our organizations and ministries. I mean, carnally speaking, the rewards of being known are tantalizing. People like us, admire us and talk about us. We’ll be powerful influencers, we’ll be respected… all the things we are taught that matters in this little world of ours.

But what of Jesus? Where does he fit into all of this?

I think more often than we are willing to admit we condense Him to an idea or an influence along the path to our own agendas and popularity contests. We’ve forgotten the centrality of Jesus as both now and not yet.

I’m looking for the great reward of my soul to be as fully now as my physical body can stand.

Heard Papa Rolland recall seeing a church service on television, the preacher was firing everyone up about all the things they were going to get. The guy preaching had everyone holding out their imaginary keys to their imaginary cars, trucks and homes, waving them around and declaring them to come. I don’t have a problem with everyone having a house and a car, I imagine God wants everyone in a house. But, as Rolland recalled, there was no mention of Jesus as the real reward. Is it that we don’t allow Jesus to be as tangible as a new car? Or has he just lost that new-car smell?

Perhaps that’s it. Jesus, for many of us, has kind of always been there. We’ve grown accustomed to sermons about Him, plays and dramas about His passion and even beautiful paintings of Him with golden hair and bright blue eyes. We have taken for granted that the King of Glory is actually right here with and among us, fully able to be communicated with, encountered and enjoyed.

The reward at the end of a long day is that Jesus is heading home with us. We get Jesus.

When we realize the constant giving reward of Jesus in our lives, the rest seems to fade out of view. We care less about influence, less about popularity and even less about new cars. We care about encountering Him, treasuring Him and entangling ourselves with Him.

He is our great and only Reward.